Last post for a few days

Hi Gang... Well i figured that i better do a post before i go into the hospital. I will be going in tomorrow at one and not sure how long i am staying for. They have told me to pack for five days! I cant decide to pack for all those days or maybe pack for three and hold onto my wishful thinking. Ahh well, ive been mad about it, upset about it, frusterated and now well just accepting it for what it is! I will be doing a chemotherapy I.V. tomorrow so cross your fingers and hope that all goes well.

Today was my last day of school, SPRING BREAK YIPPEEEEE!!!! We had a fun day, looking at pond water under microscopes! The kids were so surprised at what we all found :) good way to end the week and head into spring break.

Hope everyone is doing well.... I wont be able to post while I am gone, but I will keep in contact with Mom and Dad so........ I better go pack. Love you all, Keep your heads High- hopefully this is almost over.

xoxoxo
ME

Hi Gang

Okay i suck at this posting thing!!!!! When i get home all i want is my bed and latley some pills to help with the pain. BUTTTT i successfully completed a whole week of double treatment! Cant say I am looking forward to finishing up this round and then maybe doing it all over again, but i did make it through! Been on a lot of pain killers and then got a nice shot in my butt. My blood count dropped by 12 yesterday so my doctor was a little worried. I told him that it was probably because i have not slept all week due to the pain. It is hard to get comfortable enough to fall asleep when your doing all you can to stop the tears from falling. So he said bend over! I said well thats a little rude lol then he filled me in on the shot i was about to get in my butt. I told him he should probably explain before he tells you to bend over :) Anyways it sure did help and the pain has been good tonight. Went and watched a basketball game, and now am sitting at home going to read a book. I hope everyone is doing well.... School is as busy as always!

Brian and Colin I heard that the play is amazing, I hope you guys have an amazing last Night and enjoy your party. Wish i could be there to see it! I hate missing them all.

Welp... i think thats about it! Happy Easter to ALL... hope the Easter Bunny is good to everyone and your enoy the time with family. Love you all to pieces and cant wait to see you. Not much longer!!!! Keep your heads High

xoxoxo
ME

WOW.....

I want to start by saying sorry to those of you who have written letters or emails and havent heard back from me latley. I have started my double chemotherapy and wow is the only word i can say right now. I am having a rough time; between being all drugged up, on a liquid diet and just trying to stay possitive, I have no energy left. Not to mention the 24 little rug rats that steal my heart and energy daily. So to summarize- treatment is really hard and I can only dream of the day they will tell me it is gone and i can eat everything i want, and sleep when i should be!

My school year is almost over! I was asked to give a speech at graduation but have declined. It is a complete honor and nice to know that you were picked and asked, but right now I am taking life, day by day and just cant commit to anything. I cant garantee right now how i will feel on may 1st or what will be going on in my life and the extra stress of putting together a motivating speech and getting up infront of thousands of people makes me sick to even think about! So i smiled, said thank you, explained my situation and declined.
I have had a parent in my class babysitting his son for the past two days! Interesting Yes, thankful for his commitment and desire to help his son and I out. It has made a little bit of a difference and I hope he continues to work hard at it. The things you learn dealing with students and their backgrounds. How nasty break ups can go, and yet no one see's how its affecting their children. How a lack of love, can lead a child to act out it many different ways, when all they really want is a hug and an I LOVE YOU! my heart is big and i wish so badly i could give those hugs. You just have to shake your head and learn what not to do!

Well i hope my drugs have not made this post confusing and all over the place. I tried very hard lol. Keep your heads high

xoxoxo
ME

Hello Hello.....

Hi Everyone,

Well Life sure is busy right now! I now understand why growing up it always felt like your teachers were rushing at the end trying to fit everything in! LOL I HAVE BECOME ONE OF THOSE TEACHERS :) ahh well, what can you do. I have also noticed this year that my lack of sleeping at night brings upon these random late night GREAT ideas on fun activities to do with my students. I tend to make trips to walmart at 11 or 12 pm to gather supplies and then stay up until the wee hours of the night putting together examples and lesson plans. These grand ideas always turn out to be A LOT OF WORK! Sure wish i could just sleep and quit putting myself through this, but my kids just love them. Had one last night and today we made plant cells and animal cells out of play dough :) kids loved it and well I got no sleep............... Health wise I am having some hard days. I have been in a lot of pain the last week, and just cant seem to get rid of it so i can rest. I am on my five days off right now and will start double chemotherapy on Monday. I will be getting my same daily shot and adding on a chemo pill. My cancer spot is shrinking fast and my doctor wants to try to up the dossage of chemo to see if they can maybe get rid of my spot in the next month. I am really not going to feel well at all, but i figure a HARD MONTH is better than two months. Hopefully it will work, i cant wait to just get this part of my life over with and move on to bettter things!
I cant even begin to thank everyone for all the letters and gift packages. I love to read how everyone is doing. When your missing home it makes things a lot easier and puts a smile on my face daily, so THANK YOU!

I love you all, Keep your Heads High...

xoxoxo
ME

Catch Up

Hello Everyone,

Sorry I have been playing catch up since getting sick! Things are going pretty good, feeling better just in some pain latley. I have had a hectic week at school this week. One of my student's spent a week in the hospital as she woke up and had no sight at all. They are still trying to figure out whats going on but having in her class has been a blessing and a lot of work. She is starting to get a lot better but school is still a struggle. I had parent teacher conferences on friday from
2- 8pm so it was busy busy getting ready for those and doing treatment. I just can not believe that this year is almost over. Good thing I have another one to look forward to! Hope all is well with everyone back home. Miss everyone like crazy. Keep your heads high.

xoxoxo
ME

Rough Week

Well i'd be lieing to everyone if i said this hasn't been a rough week. I woke up in the middle of the night Tuesday feeling like every bone and joint in my body had been hit by a bus. So finally after an entire night of laying there thinking how the heck am i going to get out of this bed and drag myself to school! I climbed out of bed at 5am and drove myself to school in my P'J's prepared for a substitute and went back to bed. Thursday i was feeling a little better but still not well enough to get out of bed, so i stayed another day in my blankets watching movies and sleeping for the majority of the day. Friday i went to school, just had an upset tummy and well thats normal so i went, wont lie i was missing my kids too....... Turned out that it was a very important day and thats why i went... I got offered a job to stay teaching 6th grade at my school for the next school year :) I was so happy but felt like crap so it was hard to show my enthusiasm but i am beside myself and just cant believe it. So my friDAY was pretty good. Friday night i went to the hospital to meet my doctor, planning for an over night experience but ended up just getting two I.V's and spending about two hours. I will hopefully be well enough to start treatment again on Monday. I will continue to spend me weekend in bed and around the house laying low.... Hope everything is going well for everyone. Aunty Kay and Sandy if you read this HOPE YOUR HAVING AN AMAZING VACATION, TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES!!!!! Mom and Dad have fun up the Mountain you deserve a mini vacation. Keep your heads high.

Love you all,
xoxoxoxo
ME

P.S. Thanks for the all the letters and packages, I will try and get caught up on my emails now that i am feeling better. I havent forgot about you and I love to read them all they make me SMILE.

Update

Hello All,

Things are going well. Had a rough weekend, fighting to keep my blood steady! It is now under controll and i will enjoy my five days off!! School is school busy busy busy- cant believe the year is almost over.... Other than that things are pretty much the same. Havent been up to much. Went to a few basketball games last weekend it was nice to get out and have some fun. I have parent teacher conferences coming up so i will be busy this week getting report cards together. Hope everyone is doing good and keeping their heads high.

xoxoxo
ME

Fire Alarm catches me off guard!

So i have realized since this whole Cancer situation that life is about having fun, smiling, laughing and enjoying the company of family and friends. Today I was having a normal day in sixth grade. My students were working hard on their astronomy planets art project. Earlier this week I had received an email from the principal saying that we were due for a practice Fire Drill.... I read the email which is surprising, and then deleted it thinking ya okay I will remember. Well 2:25 comes along and off goes our ANNOYING, LOUD, EAR KILLING fire alarm and what is the first word out of my mouth as i have students spread out all over the room with Pencil Crayons, scissors and glue all over the place...... SHIT! haha then i started laughing and Diesel was right beside me asking a question and he replies "Ms. Kruse you just made my day, I just love you!"

Although it probably wasnt the best word to use in the situation, it made us all smile and laugh which is very important. I needed it today :)

On a little less fun note, treatment went well today. One more day and I have finished a hard week and it will all be behind me! Love you all, I must go get some rest my eyes are SLOWLY closing....

Keep your heads high

xoxoxo
ME

Today.....

Hi All,

Had an Okay day! This morning one of my students came in- Jayden and he was wearing a hoodie. I said Jayden take your hood off please. Down it goes and he had the biggest smile on his face. Ms. Kruse my dad and I shaved my head this weekend for you! I almost cried. He is just the sweetest thing ever (some days lol). Then he handed me a rubber braclette that says Strength on it. Apparently another one of my students was shaving his head today so we will see. I will take a picture and post it on the blog as soon as I can. Well i am in the middle of applying for job interviews for next school year. I am all over the utah map let me tell you! Anyways, i have one of wednesday at 6pm. So send good vibes lol.... I better get back to my planning and application.

Love you all....... Keep your heads high! Sorry for the rush and probably spelling/grammar errors I know its not acceptable Ms. Kruse.

xoxoxoxo
ME

Round Three Sucks!!!

I am a few days into round three and its offically kicking my butt. I have been fighting a fever all week. It started at 109..... dropped to 107 and now i have it down to 105. I was expecting the worst but hoping for the best with this third round. My belly sure isnt too happy with me. Seems like its constantly spinning in circles and food well no thanks! I have a hard week ahead of me but then FIVE DAYS OFF :) Amanda passed her massage test for those of you who were cheering her on. She is a registered massage therapist. Now she has no excuses when i ask her to rub my feet LOL....... School is going well, i may go and interview with a few school districts this week if i can get my act together. My principal is trying very hard to keep me at the school but with the economy and all the budget cuts I am feeling a little uneasy! Well i better go and get ready for my week. Love and miss you all! Keep your heads high.

xoxoxo
ME

:)

Less than 24 hours until round three.... Hard to believe that ive been at this for over a month already! I had an okay day today, I am really just not feeling well. Fighting a fever and the cold chills. I am going to have a quick shower and then cuddle up in my bed watching TV.( thanks mom and dad for making that possible :) Love You) I will be a little huntsman tomorrow for my treatment, since this is the hardest round. I will post as soon as i get home. Hope everyone is doing well. Keep your heads high.

Love always,
xoxoxo
ME

I didn't forget about this... lol

Hi All......

Well i've been a little busy trying to get use to my new look:) This whole hair thing is harder that chemo. So far this week i have just worn my wig, I am going to step out of my comfort zone and try a scarf tomorrow. I just cant do itchy head anymore. I am starting to get baby bum soft spots on my head as the actual hair roots begin to fall out. Let me tell you though, showering is now super FAST. I got in the shower the first day and couldnt decide what to do. I didnt need to shave my legs or spent time doing my hair. I was lost and to be honest BORED! School is going well my kids are amazing and we are just having a blast. I can not believe how fast the year is going, and that I am actually almost done!!! Sad but Exciting...... I am currently on my five days off, start my third round on thursday- not looking forward to that! Hope all is well with everyone. Keep your heads high!!!

love always,
xoxoxo
ME

Day ??.... I CANT EVEN REMEMBER!

Hello everyone......

So Grace has offically retired. It was a very sad and hard day saying goodbye. She got me beautiful flowers, a teddy bear, some hair clips to put on my new hats and an ovarian cancer necklace. I will miss her! We shared some tears today! My doctor said he knew that we would be two pea's in a POD from day one. Treatment went well today it was nice to have her there just siting and talking. Tomorrow is my big hair day. I wish i could say that I was ready for it but honestly i just dont think I am. It appears that my brother has shaved his head. I knew you loved me :) haha. .... I hope i look as good as he does! Love you Brian....... Thanks for the comfort of knowing i wont be alone. I will try to get up enough courage to take a picture and place it on my blog. I am off to bed absolutley exhausted.

Keep your heads high...

xoxoxo
Me

February 24th, 2009

Hello Hello......... Well I got some good news for once! My blood count went up by 10 today. Mom and Dad think its from the home cooked dinner, but it could have something to do with the shot i got! Who knows..... either way its a good thing. I have booked a hair cut appointment (shave) for Friday at 1. So friday i will be looking like a different person. Other than that things are going pretty good! Hope all is well.... Keep your heads High.

Oh by the way. To all those in my family who took the HEADS HIGH picture :) your amazing!!!!

Love always,
xoxoxo
ME

Hello :)

Hello everyone, once again I will start off with an appology about not writing on my blog recently. Mom and Dad arrived safely and have been catching on up some sleep and stretching out some truckers butt!!! It is nice to have them here! Mom make some dinner, i ate as much as i could- it was delicious. Treatment has been going well, got an extra shot today to help with my blood count. I also got my results from the MRI and Ultrasound. It showed that my spot is shrinking. It was about the size of a quarter to start with and he said that it has been reduced by 1/4!

On to a little bit of a touchier subject lol. My hair has really started to fall out. Before tonight I had two spots that i could easily cover up. Well tonights shower was a little bit of a shock! After showering and thinking holy crap, Mom and I combed it and I now have a bald spot that looks very similar to my dads. My big spot in right on the top of my head, thinking that its almost time to shave the head and get it over with. You can only go through so many showers before enough is enough.........

Hope all is well with everyone. keep your heads high.

Love Always,
xoxoxo
ME

Second Round.....

Well i am offically two days into my second round (ding, ding) sounds like a wrestling match :)
Today I got an MRI, Ultra-sound and blood work to see how things are going so far. I will not get results until probably tuesday! I know sucks to wait, but that seems to be how things work when you get sick :) the waiting part is the hardest. I am feeling okay, my body is definatley saying WOW Sheryl, please lay down i need a rest :) I am having a harder time staying awake now and feeling a little crappier lol but doing Okay. I have not seen Grace in a while and kind of starting to worry that maybe she left me, but i know she couldnt just walk away without saying BYE to her favorite treatment patient. I am hoping that maybe she caught a cold, and cant come in. I could ask my new nurse, but I fear the answer so i will just keep crossing my fingers that she will return ASAP! For those of you that dont know I am happily awaiting Mom and Dads arrival on Sunday. I hope they like movies, TV and games because thats about as much as i can do latley.

So i have a funny story about my day at school thought i would share it with everyone. The boys in my class have decided that duct tape is the most amazing thing anyone ever invented. They are making wallets, change purses, balls, and using it to fix everything. One of my students has started making his graduation tux! They sell these items at school, and have made a website on the internet. I find duct tape in random places all over my classroom and today they told me that they will start making me a hat just incase my hair falls out. I laughed because i can only imagine having to sport a yellow, green, black or orange duct tape hat at school! Atleast i know they care enough to put the time into it!

Helloooooo

Hello Everyone,

Sorry I missed a day! I will fill you in though. I went to the doctor today to get my blood tested one more time before treatment starts tomorrow. I can't believe that it has already been five days. I didn't get the blood test results that i was hoping for but apparently this is a huge step lol. My blood count dropped by two! I am going to be honest with you all, I had a rough night. I think everything kind of caught up to me and i was really just due for a good cry. Apparently crying isn't helpful with the whole blood situation. My doctor on the other hand was thrilled. He said the blood count thing comes second to me releasing some emotion and not just smiling the whole time. He was very happy to hear that i had a rough night (sounds like a cruel guy eh). Ummm what else do I have to say! School is going good, losing my eye lashes on my right eye- hoping that isnt a sign for whats to come. Other than that things are going good. Had a great day at school, was a little tired and had some sore eyes but thats my fault. Love you all, hope you keep your heads high.

xoxoxo
ME

Blood Count Update

Hi Gang..... Well I had the day off as it's Presidents Day here in the USA! Gotta Love that :)
I went to the hospital today to get my blood test done to see if my blood count had gone up a little. After three days off laying around doing a lot of "NOTHING" it went up two counts. Not what i was hoping for but it is better than not going up at all or the opposite doing down more! I will continue to get it tested this week and rest as much as possible. Hopefully by Thursday it will be up a lot and I will be ready to start my second round of treatment. I am starting to feel pretty good actually, three days off has been nice and I will enjoy my last two days off of treatment before It all starts again..... I am off to try this JUICING thing apparently its the cats MEOW- maybe it will be my blood count cure :) love you all, keep your heads high.

xoxoxo
Me

Happy Valentines Day

Day one of bed rest is over!!!! So i have been watching movies in my room on a portable car DVD player i got for christmas about three years ago! Since starting treatment that poor thing has been playing between One and Four movies a night and decided that enough was enough and just packed up on me. So then i was left staring at my wall thinking that they were oftly white and not very interesting. I tried to blow out the dust in the dvd player, shook it a few times but nothing seemed to fix it. Mom called me that night and I told her the story, i really liked the thing it was working just perfect for me, but now i was in trouble. Mom and Dad purchased a new TV for me and its absolutley perfect. I have posted a picture of the beauty at the bottom of my blog so scroll down and check it out. Love you all, hope you had a fantastic Valentines day or single awareness day depending on your situation :)

Love always,
xoxoxo
ME

Five Days OFF!

Well I have finished my last treatment for this section. I now have five days off to lay around and rest. Things are going well, I am stuck at home for the weekend, resting and trying to get my blood count back up! Today at school was a little crazy. Party day is always filled with too much sugar and caffein. Living in Utah, most of my students dont get pop/soda very often so on party day they are the first ones to drink as much as possible and then bounce all over the room. I am sure when they get home from school their parents are thinking what the heck is Ms. Kruse up to :) ahh well thats the best part about being a teacher, you always get to say Bye at 3pm. Well its almost midnight so i better go and try to sleep. Love you all, keep your heads high!

xoxoxo
Me

P.S. Granny were you crabby today at 2:45 i felt your normal thoughts but then got a pain in my back. Thought maybe you were having a rough time or fighting with Papa :) Love you guys

Day 9.....

One more day and I get Five OFF YIPPEEE..... So i walked into treatment today and that lady was there. She said Grace is gone and your suppose to go to the american fork hospital so your doctor can give you your shot. haha i said oh okay sounds good to me! Probably wasnt the response she was expecting but what can you do. Sure didn't want her again!
My class is getting into the Valentines spirit and i am not looking forward tomorrow lol. Party in the afternoon means no work done in the morning lol..... Well i am off to eat some chowmein. Love you all, Keep your heads high.

xoxoxo
Me

Day Seven/ Eight

Okay so I totally forgot about bloggin yesterday! So let me back-track a day and fill you in. Yesterday actually wasnt that good of a day at Treatment. Grace was gone so i had some other lady. I will watch my language and just say she wasnt the smartest cookie in the jar. Luckily i was paying attention and noticed that my shot didnt look the same as usual. So i asked if it was becuase they were changing my meds to try and make it easier to keep food down. Turns out the (smart) lady had gotten the wrong shot. Grace was not impressed when i told her today, she went straight out into the office and i could hear her yellin at the lady. :) kinda made me smile, and think WOW i like Grace.

Today I have been feeling a little under the weather. Apparently I am going to be on couch rest for the weekend. That will be a struggle, but i need the rest so I will rent some movies, get a blanket and cuddle up! Monday is a holiday (Presidents Day) so i have a three day weekend! Ummm what else to tell you all.......... Todays treatment went well, glad to have Grace back- still trying to get a picture of her, shes a tough one to crack!

Oh you will be happy to know that I just finished a plate of chowmein. I will see how long it takes for this time bomb in my tummy to go off :)

Love you all, keep your heads high.

xoxoxo
me

P.S Elise i agree with you about stylist hats and (bandana's)? Spell check .

Day Six...

Better late than never! Sorry I am behind today at updating my blog. Today went well. My doctor is going to change some of my meds tomorrow to see if they can find a way to keep some food down. That seems to be the biggest problem. They said its normal to loose the weight i lost last week as your body takes a hard hit with the treatment. Other than that, I am doing well! School is going great, cant wait for my astronomy unit to be over though. I am beginning to dislike astronomy as much as Dinosaurs. Yesss... hard to believe but true!
Well i tried to take a picture of Grace today, but she informed me that she had not done her hair today and that just wasnt going to happen. She said she would get up and do her hair in the morning so we can take a picture. I am not sure if i believe her, she may just be photo shy- Ill have to break that one! Anyways, hope all is well. Keep your heads high.

xoxoxo
me

First Week OVER!

Well i have successfully completed my first week of treatment. PHEWWW one more week to go before i get five days off!!!!! Today went well, i got to weigh myself with all my clothes on so my weight didnt change:) you may be thinking cheater, but i call it skill!!! Went and got my toes painted with Mel and it was very nice to get out and pamper my body with all its going through! Hope everyone has a great weekend i will post this weekend and let you all know how my body does with a few days off. Not sure to expect a good feeling or a feeling of five days of treatment catching up to me. Love you all, keep your heads high.

xoxoxo
Me

P.S. Elise no worries i will post a picture of my toes too :)

Day Four...

Today went well, I am actually feeling a lot better than I did yesterday! Grace was nice and didnt make me eat a blueberry muffin, but she did tell me that I HAVE TO EAT TODAY.... So i am going to try and either make chow mein or some bbq chicken and veggies!!!! I will keep today's post short! School is going well, the kids were full of drama and laughs today so it kept my spirits up! One more day and my first week of treatment is over, can you believe it! I cant wait for two days off and I am sure my belly cant wait either. Love you all, keep your heads high.

xoxoxo
Me

Day Three...

Well today didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped! I went in feeling kinda under the weather, with an upset tummy! So i got in my get up and headed to my room! Grace was waiting for me and handed me my stress balls (not going to lie, i kind of look forwards to those things now) When she started the treatment i was okay for about a minute and then i started to get sick. So i had to roll onto my side and use the bucket (throw-up catcher) as they call it in treatment. I spent the rest of the 5 minute injection on my side praying to the throw-up catcher! Usually I just have to wait ten minutes and then i am good to go, but today i had to eat a muffin. So Grace went and found me the perfect muffin as she says- ewwww BLUEBERRY. I hate blueberries on good days, so i said " Ill make you a deal, ill eat the MUFFIN part but the BLUEBERRIES have to go! Well I guess we could say i lost that battle. I have met my match in the stubborn category. So i tried to eat the muffin but it just wasnt going well! That muffin didn't stay down too well either which is normal right after your treatment. Grace left and i got dressed thinking PHEWWW glad this one is over. Spoke too soon though, in came Grace with yet ANOTHER BLUEBERRY MUFFIN! Lets try this again she says! OKAY HOW ABOUT NOT, was my thoughts. Anyways, got the muffin down and now im home! These entries are getting longer everyday, sorry! Love you all... Keep your heads high and please dont make blueberry muffins for me :)

xoxoxo
me

Day Two!

Wow to think that I already have two days down! Today was about the same as yesterday- painful but over. I have been VERY cold for the past day and I just couldnt take it anymore so Amanda and I drove out to Mel and Troys house to sit in their hot tub! Sure was nice....... an hour later I was a prune and headed home! Sorry today is kind of short but I dont have much more to write and i better try and plan something for tomorrow. Love you all, keep your heads high.

xoxoxox
Me

Day One

One day down, who knows how many more to go! Well I tried to keep myself busy at school today, hoping that maybe 3:45 would just not come..... But as we all know, it did come! Got to the hospital and went in, my doctor was waiting for me so that was a nice surprise didnt expect to see him there today. Got all dressed in my gear and then headed into the room. My nurse(Grace) handed me two stress balls (the ones you can squeeze when your having a bad day) and told me to hold them. I was thinking okay lady, I've had plenty of needles and i dont really think i need these but whatever! So in goes the neeedle and WOW i squeezed those dang balls so hard i thought id break them. The needle itself didnt hurt but the chemo liquid felt like it was lighting my insides on fire. A few tears later and five quick minutes and it was all over! I guess Grace knows what shes talking about and maybe i should listen to her ideas :). I feel pretty good now, have a little bit of a tummy ache but nothing too special. I will attemp to eat some food tonight while laying on the couch watching the bachelor. Love you all, keep your heads high.

xoxoxo
Me

The Day Before ........

Hello Hello! I have decided to create this blog for a couple of reasons. One is so that all of you can keep informed on how treatment is going. I probably wont always be up for talking on the phone, but I can lay in bed and update my blog daily. I hope that you are all doing well, its one day at a time starting tomorrow! I have a positive mindset and know that everything will be OK. Thank you for all the phone calls and emails, your positive encouragement helps greatly. KEEP YOUR HEADS UP! Love you all .... xoxoxo